“Me Time”: Parenting Strategy

This is something I've been wanting to talk about for a long time. It's becoming more and more common to hear things like this in my sessions with moms:

"I need silence"

"I feel like I'm overstimulated, and I'd like two minutes of peace."

"My alone time is important to me"

"I didn't know how much I needed to be quiet"

If you have said any of these phrases or you identify with them, you are not alone. I have felt it too, and it is that before being mothers, silence was not something we needed to ask for, it would just come on its own. Whereas with children, the only thing that IS NOT there, especially in the first years of life, is stillness.

So, I have been sharing this strategy with more and more moms, and today I want to leave it here for you.

Me Time

Quiet time can be applied in different ways depending on the needs of each family. First, I'll tell you how I do it in my family.

Me Time is not a time out, nor is it a time to be used as a punishment, reward, etc. I see it as part of the daily routine. We all need those 5 or 10 minutes of zero stimulation (well, the truth is that the more the better).

—————————————— Me Time at my house --—————————————-

In my house, we apply "Me time" at a time of day when there are no other needs to be met, such as eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom. We try to have done all of that before starting our "Me time."

We have been growing in time with our children and now this time for our 11-year-old son is 1 hour and for our 1.7-year-old daughter it is 15 minutes. Our "Me time" has certain rules: it is a technology-free time, everyone is in a space in the house and we leave the space we use as we find it.

These moments of zero stimulation and "boredom" benefit the child's brain in a big way. Some of the benefits of zero stimulation spaces are: creativity, self-entertainment, self-motivation, conflict resolution, emotional regulation and awareness of our inner self. These spaces allow us to disconnect to connect with ourselves and as mothers they give us a break from all the noise of the day.

Here are 5 tips to apply Me Time as a development and empowerment strategy for children.

—————————————- Where do I start? —————————————

Before you start implementing this strategy, I have to confess that it is something that takes time and commitment. Starting to sow this habit at an early age will make you reap a very nutritious space for everyone in the family.

1. Space

Before you start implementing Me Time, make sure you prepare a space where your children will be safe even when they are alone. Make sure there are no physical dangers, and make sure your child feels comfortable in the space.

Although the goal is for them to spend this time alone, remember that the younger they are, the closer they need to be to us. So you may need to start sharing the same room but in different spaces or doing different activities. If your child is older and does not feel comfortable being in the room alone with the door closed, you can agree to be with the door open as long as they stay in the room during Me Time . Here you can shape the rules to your needs, personalities and parenting goals.

2. Material

One of the things that will make time much more fun and bearable, especially when they are little, is "new things." Some ideas are to have boxes of specific material for those moments, books or stories that they will only be able to access during that time, etc. My recommendation is that it not be very complex material or that it is difficult to clean, because it could take away the lightness of being calm during those moments.

Material ideas: blocks, puzzles, stuffed animals, costumes, stories, plastic animals, car tracks and wagons…

One of the things that works for me is renting stories from our local bookstore and putting them in ziplock bags for Me Time . If you want to see more about this, click here.

3. Snack / Water

This is something that can work starting at 2 or 3 years old. Letting them choose a practical snack and filling their water so that it can be within reach in that space or offering it before starting the time can work to keep all needs met and the time going smoothly.

Also, if you are one of those who doesn't let them eat in the room, letting them take the snack to that place (an easy snack) can make them feel encouraged and give that time more value than you think.

4. Timer

It is important to provide visual support for the child, reassuring them that there is a time limit and that you will return when the timer is up. If you are just starting to implement this, take into account the age and abilities of each child. You may need to start with 5-10 minute periods and increase the time as you see the child's comfort and ability.

Timers are great supports for different times of the day like screen time, play time, park time, etc. Timers can be your best ally to set healthy and collaborative limits. Find my favorite timers by clicking here. Now, not all children agree to use the timer, and it could actually put more pressure on them and cause them to freeze. That's why it's important to consider that ALL strategies should be personalized considering: your child's personality, the needs of the family, and your personality as a mom.

5. Consistency

One of the things that takes children the most time to form a habit and understand limits and rules is CONSISTENCY. At first it may take 2-3 days of trial and error which is normal. The child is being exposed to something completely new, and their head starts to ask questions like: what happens if I talk to my mom? What happens if I get bored? What happens if I need to go to the bathroom? What happens if I don't want to have "Me Time"?... among many other questions. This is the perfect opportunity for you to respond according to your parenting goals.

If you want to learn how to establish your parenting goals and family values, don't hesitate to schedule a 1:1 session to help you clarify and navigate your parenting more assertively.

I'm not lying to you, this strategy is one of the ones that saves me the most during the day. Having the ability to give myself a few minutes of silence is incredible. In addition, my children, thanks to this space, grow in: independence, creativity, problem solving, patience and discipline. This time gives us all a moment to recharge our batteries to continue the day.

But I have to be honest with you, it doesn't always work out the way I expect. There are times when unforeseen events occur and not everything goes as planned (especially at the beginning) but I can tell you with certainty that the more you practice, the less unforeseen events happen. Today my 11 year old son is able to come to me and say, "Mom, after eating, I'm going to have Me Time ."

WOW! Something I started doing with him at 3 years old is now a lifelong habit and something that especially benefits him as a Manifestor. His Human Design needs those moments and I am grateful that I have gained self-knowledge in him with specific strategies that improve his quality of life. If you want to know your child's Human Design and enhance his being, click here.

I hope this blog about Me Time helps you understand this wonderful strategy. Share with me in the comments your questions, clarifications and/or experiences. Thank you for being here. Below you can find the link to my Amazon favorites for Me Time .